Poster for film "Blowing of Youna-ha"

(A letter from the narrator.)

To Woohyun

Are you doing well? Actually, I've tried writing this letter several times but never managed to finish it. You told me not to contact you, but I wanted to talk to you at least once. Are you doing well?

It's been a little over a year and a half since we broke up because I cheated. You're someone who does everything decisively, so I think you're doing well with everything. I'm glad to see you seem to have found a new partner.

I pretended otherwise, but I've been filled with regret and suffering. Actually, I still am. When my mother heard the news, she said it was what she regretted most since giving birth to me. And I feel the same. It's the thing I regret most in my life.

It sounds funny, but I'm hoping for the invention of a time machine. If I could change just one thing in my life, I'd change that incident. I feel like I could endure everything else—my father's collapse, being bullied, seeing my mother's sad face when we were too poor—all of it.

Are you doing well? The truth is, I'm not doing so well. Too many bad things have happened. During those times, you're always the first person I think of. More than anything, I regret that day so much. After talking with a friend, I realized that everything I do is because I haven't accepted losing you. After suffering for so long, I started to think that I was being punished for what I did, and that made it somewhat bearable.

I thought I deserved even more pain. When I started earning money, you were the first person I thought of. I wrote in my notebook, "Woohyun, I'm making money now." I feel like I'm slowly escaping from this terrible poverty. I was able to grow while reflecting on our relationship and my regrets. But Woohyun, I wonder what it matters what kind of person I've become. I lost you, and though I've searched for countless other things, nothing can replace you... but what can I do?

Life is about letting go and parting with things one by one. But what truly hurts is that I couldn't even say a proper goodbye. I still vividly remember the last time I saw you. You were really depressed after fighting with your mom. You barely touched the mazesoba, which didn't taste that great anyway. And I remember how I deliberately treated you rudely at the café we went to afterward.

I remember the days we spent together every day, and though the memories may remain superficial now, and I can't remember every moment of the promises we made together, I wanted to tell you that because of those accumulated moments, I've become someone who can live without having to make promises to myself anymore. It's strange. Why do I want to say this so much? I have so much to say, but the tears are flowing too much for me to continue. I think the best apology is to remember these things and not repeat them in the future. I'm trying to live a good life. I hope you're doing well.

I keep writing these letters that I'll never send. I now say to myself what you used to say to me. The longing is endless, but at least this night will end.