Decalogue for dummy boyfriends

1. I am the BOSS your Girlfriend. You shall have no eyes for other women before me.
2. You shall love my mother as yourself.
3. You shall burn all traces of your ex’s or I will burn you.
4. You shall NEVER use my name in a sentence with the word FAT.
5. Remember my period, to keep me happy.
6. You shall murder your favorite hobby to devote yourself entirely to me.
7. OBVIOUSLY you shall not commit adultery, nor with the remotest thought.
8. You shall not steal a coin of your own salary: It all belongs to me.
9. You shall stand that my girlfriends give false testimony against you.
10. During our fights you shall not covet my role: I am the referee and the winner.